Depression

So I am getting to that point again, that point where I am just ready to break down and cry..

I was a suicidal person back in high school..I was committed...

Got help and been ok....

But now, thats a different story...I am thinking about it again. Really thinking about it. Pills would be easy but a pain in the ass. I mean any thing with Penicilline or a form of it I could get easily at home from my sisters medical medicine and pop two or three, saying I thought they were asprine or anything for my cronic migrains and then I would and could die.. I am allergic to that sort of stuff.

But then I think about my family and friends who depend on me and I stop myself from lifting that pill to my lips and swollowing it whole. To feel the throat and airways close. It could be so easy to just sufficate and suffer. But who cares.. Who would even know? My mother? Sure...she would just get what money I have and be happy.

I could do it at 9 pm at night. Thats when I 'hybernate' to my room for the night. To get away from everybody and have a small stiff drink. Nobody bothers to look in on me after then or even talk to me.. It would be so sweet. Nobody would even know I was gone until the next night and I would be long gone and drifted off soo sweet.

Sorry i am venting, its stupid but I am.. just depressed.. I could now call my blog
Vicktoria's Depression Train.. that would be appropriate as well..

Until next time

This is

Vicktoria's Life