OK so I am the second oldest of 15 children and the oldest of three blood children though who is to say what is blood...preferably not me. My parents have been divorced for well most of my life. I was in kindergarten when it happened. But oh well. Dad has been married now three times and hopefully the third time is the charm but the only problem is she has 10 kids and all live with them in a tiny four and a half bedroom house with my little brother and and dad and step mom. That's alot of people in one house. Then my older half sister lives in Georgia with her kids and husband. My other half sister lives in Georgia as well and goes to college, she's not much older than I am but I like her all in all. I also have my mom and my other sister who I live with.
My dad is a deadbeat who lives off the state and just don't care. He has four kids that came from his 'loins' yet he takes little interest in our lives except when he wants something. That's how it has always been unfortunately. I think he has only been to one event of mine my whole life. What an ass. Though the reasons were never good ones, like he was at work or something though he used those excuses. He was out sleeping with my first step mom. But thats old news because he has my new one and I like this one. She listens. But dad, he never listens, everything is a joke to him and I dont get that. When you try to have a serious converstation he just jokes about it and infuriates you. Man does he make you mad. I think thats something about him I hate even more then the fact that he is not a real dad, he gets under your skin and he is abusive. I will admit I am scared to death of him. My dad, if I can call him that, is shallow and egotistical. A man who only thinks about himself and his dick. Yes one who thinks if he don't have a women to wait on him hand a foot then he is lost. I personally do not understand that because I don't beleive in that bull but he does.
There is my mom, yes she is the rock in my house. She sacrifices so much for my sister and I. As you see my mom makes everything possible. Though I will admit she is a crabby and complete bitch at times she is still my mom. She always makes sure I have whatever I want in my life even like going to school or my musical endevors. She has alot on her plate though and I understand that and I know I dont help her much with the pain I cause in her ass. But I do love her! She has bad choices in men though I think she just found the right one and she is going to let him walk away like an idiot all because she is afraid someone is going to treat her nice. But thats my mom a hard ass.
Now my little sister is the all around PERFECT kid, ok well in looks she is. Perfect blond hair, big blue eyes, and beautiful. But she is my baby... At 18 years old she is a great student and loves life when she is not sick. See my sister got sick when she was 16 and has died countless times on me and is still going through hell. But she is strong like our mom! Thats why I call her perfect. Yes she has her attidue problems and much more but she really is a spectacular friend and sister. We may fight and all but we get on ok. She always calls me when she needs me and or has a problem even if she is not feeling well. I worry over her so much but Thats life, right? She is like a little muricle.
My brother has had his MANY problems in life but he is now making up for them. He joined the military!! It has made his life and him all the better. I love my baby brother though he is a big boy now and a good guy. He sticks up for his family and has grown up alot. But I'm not sure whatelse to say except he still has alot of growing to do...
I guess then their is me... I am plain and just normal. Alone in this world I think...But I am just going to go through my days doing what I want...What I want is to sing and write and make my imprint on this world before I leave it. Yes a little over weight ... ok alot over weight. But thats what happens to some.. I could blame it on genetics but thats just not what it is. It's me! I work hard but I just get too over whelmed with things and forget to care. But I do about my looks for the most part.
Well I guess thats it.... some more about me
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Home
Well things happen on a cold winter day...Do they not? I sit on this blog of mine while my perfect little sister and her boyfriend of a year and some change snuggle together in her bed and slowly drift off to sleep. I sometimes wish that could be me. Not the curled up in her bed part, I have my own of course, but being with someone part. It seems I have been single so much this year that I'm stuck in a rut of sorts.
Well I guess I should be lucky to have my life and health right? I guess that's a good thing to have. But for once it would be fun to someone to curl up with and just cry on their shoulder when things are going horribly wrong which seems alot as of late. But I guess I am just doomed to sit forever behind this computer and write to my hearts content. Though that may not seem to enjoyable to many of you out there. But I presume its alright by me.
Not to say I have not had boyfriends, that of course I have had. And all of them through the years just seemed to come on to that creep factor that so many people begin to have. Maybe I should have named my blog Vicktoria's Lonely Life...it would have been more perceptible to others I believe. But that's all done and over now, its just part of who I am.
But winter break from college life does have its up side like sleeping in till however late you wish. Unless you have a crazy nagging mother who calls you constantly to wake you up and have you do so many things for her. Yes that is my mom. Or a sister who is always home or not home you never know when she is going to be gone. Then there is the sucky part. Never having anything to do that occupies your mind. That's my problem. I have no boyfriend to speak of and all my friends are either back in school or have no car to drive. So I just sit her and watch that white fluffy stuff fall on the ground and blanket the earth. Yes that is what I am watching now. The snow fall again!
It seems that all I can do is blog, read, and write, well and of course wait for school to start again. School seems to set my mind at ease, something to concentrate on. Though I guess being board comes with the territory of living in a small town. I will tell you that you can look at my town once and think its sweet and charming and yes it is. Quiet and old. But there are many things here that I believe makes up my town which just happens to be bars and funeral homes. So more or less drink and die..that's all it is here.. You will spend your whole life stuck!
Wow I think I'm just babbling on now and I'm sorry for that so back on topic I go...
Yup I am home and my sister's boyfriend just left and we had pizza. Mmmmm... and of course for me coffee goes excellent with anything. So that's what I will sip on as I write this to you. Perhaps later I will curl up with a good book, one that I have of course read a bazillion times. I need new material. But for now I write. Oh and Tyra..she is an amazing women .. But she is talking bout Love and using the current president and first lady as role models for love..But is that love?? Or are they putting on a front?? Love comes from many things in life, not just money and sex. It's companionship and friendship that helps those things go along. Or that is just my opinion. Not that it matters.
Now I am going to start something new..
Well I guess I should be lucky to have my life and health right? I guess that's a good thing to have. But for once it would be fun to someone to curl up with and just cry on their shoulder when things are going horribly wrong which seems alot as of late. But I guess I am just doomed to sit forever behind this computer and write to my hearts content. Though that may not seem to enjoyable to many of you out there. But I presume its alright by me.
Not to say I have not had boyfriends, that of course I have had. And all of them through the years just seemed to come on to that creep factor that so many people begin to have. Maybe I should have named my blog Vicktoria's Lonely Life...it would have been more perceptible to others I believe. But that's all done and over now, its just part of who I am.
But winter break from college life does have its up side like sleeping in till however late you wish. Unless you have a crazy nagging mother who calls you constantly to wake you up and have you do so many things for her. Yes that is my mom. Or a sister who is always home or not home you never know when she is going to be gone. Then there is the sucky part. Never having anything to do that occupies your mind. That's my problem. I have no boyfriend to speak of and all my friends are either back in school or have no car to drive. So I just sit her and watch that white fluffy stuff fall on the ground and blanket the earth. Yes that is what I am watching now. The snow fall again!
It seems that all I can do is blog, read, and write, well and of course wait for school to start again. School seems to set my mind at ease, something to concentrate on. Though I guess being board comes with the territory of living in a small town. I will tell you that you can look at my town once and think its sweet and charming and yes it is. Quiet and old. But there are many things here that I believe makes up my town which just happens to be bars and funeral homes. So more or less drink and die..that's all it is here.. You will spend your whole life stuck!
Wow I think I'm just babbling on now and I'm sorry for that so back on topic I go...
Yup I am home and my sister's boyfriend just left and we had pizza. Mmmmm... and of course for me coffee goes excellent with anything. So that's what I will sip on as I write this to you. Perhaps later I will curl up with a good book, one that I have of course read a bazillion times. I need new material. But for now I write. Oh and Tyra..she is an amazing women .. But she is talking bout Love and using the current president and first lady as role models for love..But is that love?? Or are they putting on a front?? Love comes from many things in life, not just money and sex. It's companionship and friendship that helps those things go along. Or that is just my opinion. Not that it matters.
Now I am going to start something new..
Facebook Dance
We all do the dance. The one to stay connected of just be heard. Even I seem to be captivated by its alluring charm.
A way to connect with lost friends and stay in touch with new. Everyone is fascinated by FACEBOOK...
Even I am sucked into its pull, forever logging in and out just to see what's the Buzz. Some just publicize their relationships and others their feelings and some just use it to put out the word. Then there are the ones who use it for gatherings such as, "Hagar bar tonight!! Who wants to drink??"
It's just an endless stream of thoughts and emotions. So why are we constantly checking our pages or those of others?
Even just this moment I re logged back into facebook to see if anyone commented on my page. Pretty pathetic Hun? I think so as well, but it is a habit that even I have trouble breaking. I wounder if Tom Anderson (the guy who created myspace) or Mark Zuckerberg (the guy who created facebook) has the same problems?? I bet they do, and if they don't maybe they are the ones with the serious problem.
I am not sure but being connected all day just seems in may ways tiring which it is of course speaking from personal experience. There are so many cyber bullies, and just mean people out there and then the ones sending you friend requests that you don't even know. I mean if you don't know me when are you adding me?? Go pick on someone else...Right??
Well I guess just give me your opinions. My mind is a bit frazzled at this moment...with the cat crying every 5 seconds in my ear.. I think a cup of coffee is in order to help this blogger's mind ease for a bit.. until then....
A way to connect with lost friends and stay in touch with new. Everyone is fascinated by FACEBOOK...
Even I am sucked into its pull, forever logging in and out just to see what's the Buzz. Some just publicize their relationships and others their feelings and some just use it to put out the word. Then there are the ones who use it for gatherings such as, "Hagar bar tonight!! Who wants to drink??"
It's just an endless stream of thoughts and emotions. So why are we constantly checking our pages or those of others?
Even just this moment I re logged back into facebook to see if anyone commented on my page. Pretty pathetic Hun? I think so as well, but it is a habit that even I have trouble breaking. I wounder if Tom Anderson (the guy who created myspace) or Mark Zuckerberg (the guy who created facebook) has the same problems?? I bet they do, and if they don't maybe they are the ones with the serious problem.
I am not sure but being connected all day just seems in may ways tiring which it is of course speaking from personal experience. There are so many cyber bullies, and just mean people out there and then the ones sending you friend requests that you don't even know. I mean if you don't know me when are you adding me?? Go pick on someone else...Right??
Well I guess just give me your opinions. My mind is a bit frazzled at this moment...with the cat crying every 5 seconds in my ear.. I think a cup of coffee is in order to help this blogger's mind ease for a bit.. until then....
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Me
Well a little about me, my name is Vicktoria and I am a gal from a small town in Michigan. I have never actually had a normal life, but many people say that. See I come from a majorly disfunctional family. My mother and my birthfather had me out of love or so she said but before dad found out mom was pregnent they split and mom met my adoptive dad and they started dating. Soon after, he thought I was his child and though my mother knew the truth she never said anything even after my birthdad showed up at the hospital after I was born and knew I was his. He said, " She is to white to be my child." My dad is mexican and my mom is german so that took in account for my pale complexion. But after he said that my mom swore never to let me find out and think anything other from my adoptive dad, and hid some things from me that I did not notice until I was older. Like the fact that I had two legal last names and one was my dads and the other was my 'dads'. But other then that my life seemed peachy keen.
As I grew up my parents got a divorce and went their seperate ways. Though dad decided not to mention that he was cheating on mom with another women then decided to leave mom and marry the witch.. I was perpetually desterbed by the thought. See I knew they were splitting up and to make matters worse dad wanted my brother his only son to come live with him. He didn't want anything to do with his two daughters that he put through HELL.
Well though that just seems like a pain he married that women and my mom met a few guies and dated around a bit but nothing to major until she got engaged to John P. L. (I wont use his whole name ), and things on both sides became completly lost and crazy. She had this new man to apease and my dad was doing everything to BUY his children's love. John was a crazy guy, though good to us all at first then he continued to drink and dissapear. Once he was gone for two months and it was halloween, mom was going to a party with some friends and sent me to a 'mutual' friends house down the road. I was great until HE called and said he was comming over, he scared me into commng home with him and the whole walk home he talked crap about mom. Then he tried to sleep with me, in a sexual manner. I had to be at least 12 and scared out of my mind. Then came the night he tried to kill us and I called the cops.. But im not going to get into that much.
Then my dad and step mom divorced and he had himself commited while my baby brother lived there, and then he kept hooking up and seeing lots of people. And now he is married once more to a women with 10 kids and he cares about them more then us. I don't know im just explaining .. But yea so mom is single, my sister is dating a black guy who everyone loves and some people that were raised racist in the old days dont like the mixing in races but they respect him enough not to say it to his face. And I, well I have been with some guies but never the right one.. Maybe it will happen and maybe not..who knows..
All I can say is This is MY LIFE..
As I grew up my parents got a divorce and went their seperate ways. Though dad decided not to mention that he was cheating on mom with another women then decided to leave mom and marry the witch.. I was perpetually desterbed by the thought. See I knew they were splitting up and to make matters worse dad wanted my brother his only son to come live with him. He didn't want anything to do with his two daughters that he put through HELL.
Well though that just seems like a pain he married that women and my mom met a few guies and dated around a bit but nothing to major until she got engaged to John P. L. (I wont use his whole name ), and things on both sides became completly lost and crazy. She had this new man to apease and my dad was doing everything to BUY his children's love. John was a crazy guy, though good to us all at first then he continued to drink and dissapear. Once he was gone for two months and it was halloween, mom was going to a party with some friends and sent me to a 'mutual' friends house down the road. I was great until HE called and said he was comming over, he scared me into commng home with him and the whole walk home he talked crap about mom. Then he tried to sleep with me, in a sexual manner. I had to be at least 12 and scared out of my mind. Then came the night he tried to kill us and I called the cops.. But im not going to get into that much.
Then my dad and step mom divorced and he had himself commited while my baby brother lived there, and then he kept hooking up and seeing lots of people. And now he is married once more to a women with 10 kids and he cares about them more then us. I don't know im just explaining .. But yea so mom is single, my sister is dating a black guy who everyone loves and some people that were raised racist in the old days dont like the mixing in races but they respect him enough not to say it to his face. And I, well I have been with some guies but never the right one.. Maybe it will happen and maybe not..who knows..
All I can say is This is MY LIFE..
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