Ok, so my journey started about three years ago when my little sister turned 16. She was the all American girl, played all kinds of sports, was a great student and hardly ever got sick. But on the day of her sweet 16 all that changed.
Her best friend and I took her out to dinner, a yearly treat that we do for eachother... We were like bestfriends.. all three of us. Even if I was older then both of them.
Well dinner went fine, we had applebees like we do for all of our birthdays. We left the resteraunt and went accross the street to Burger King where my boyfriend worked at the time and wrote all over his car with lipstick..but before we finnished, my sister started falling to the ground and screaming, clutching her stomach...
We thought maybe it was the food.. So we drove home fast..But by that time she was in so much pain she could not stand.. We all had to lift her out of one car and into another. At the hospital they pumped her full of pain killers ever 25 minutes. Thinking it was her appendix we prepared to go by ambulance to a different hospital for emergancy surgury. But upon arriving at the hospital, they had already had her tests and looked them over and said that was not the problem.
So we went back home..But it continued getting worse..Until one day she was going to the bathroom and my mom and I heard a thud.. Running in there we found her on the floor... not breathing and unresponsive..
Well she died that night 2 times in my arms and I gave her CPR.. she had a 25 minute unresponsive seizure on the way to the hospital..and the paramedics were going to give up on her. But they gave her one last shock and she came to.
That was all two years ago..........................................
A year after that happened they finnaly did exporatory sergery and found out she had Endometriosis and vericos vains on the linning of her uterus .. but nobody knows why she has seizures....
But now, three years later all the things are continuing to get worse.. we have been to over 100 different doctors and still nothing..Its always tests.... but no answers...
Its getting worse and I have no telling when I may or may not lose my baby sister for good.. I cant do that.. I just cant.. I would give everything in my whole body to make sure she lives.. even if it ment my death.....
Monday, April 4, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
SOOO embarassing
So today I was sitting in my second poetry class and I felt like an idiot.. my freaking SKYPE..answered itself and my volume was up loud..WELLL.. one of my friends on there decided to yell outloud at the very momeny it answered the call.."I WANT TO FUCK HER...OVER A CHAIR""
Goodness I thought I was going to die.. it was soo embarassing..it was to the point that I FROZE.. then tried to search my entire computer for a damn mute button.. It was crazy.... by time I had unfroze my entire class had heard what was said.. I thought I could have died..
But now..an hour latter it is FUCKIN' ho-lar-ious!!
For now..
This is...
VICKTORIA'S life
Goodness I thought I was going to die.. it was soo embarassing..it was to the point that I FROZE.. then tried to search my entire computer for a damn mute button.. It was crazy.... by time I had unfroze my entire class had heard what was said.. I thought I could have died..
But now..an hour latter it is FUCKIN' ho-lar-ious!!
For now..
This is...
VICKTORIA'S life
Friday, March 25, 2011
Music
So Music has always had this special part in my life, actually it seems to be my entire life....
I don't know what to say about it, its just all that makes me alive...You can catch me singing while I walk through a random store while shopping. I cannot drive down the road without music playing. It really is an obcession.
I don't know what it is about music, it gets me throught the hard times, the happy and well any other ones. I guess if you asked me to sing I would be kind of embarrassed at first but then I would 'man up' and sing just about anything. Actually as im writing this im listening to a band I was just turned on to...The Scene Aesthetic.. really really good.. .. check them out on Youtube... You wont be disapointed thats for sure.
I look at myself in the mirror and see a differnt and unique individual who is absolutly addicted to music and her future in it. I sing constantly and its my biggest passion. I can see myself on stage and singing infront of an audiance and well those whom I know will have front row seats.. people cheering me on..
Yes I have a huge twang in my speaking voice..but my singing voice is dramatically different...the twang is only there if i am singing country..which i enjoy..but most say my voice is a bit rock a bit blues and a bit soul.. (ha ha a white girl with some soul)
But well I guess I will add more to this latter
for now
this is Vicktoria's Life
I don't know what to say about it, its just all that makes me alive...You can catch me singing while I walk through a random store while shopping. I cannot drive down the road without music playing. It really is an obcession.
I don't know what it is about music, it gets me throught the hard times, the happy and well any other ones. I guess if you asked me to sing I would be kind of embarrassed at first but then I would 'man up' and sing just about anything. Actually as im writing this im listening to a band I was just turned on to...The Scene Aesthetic.. really really good.. .. check them out on Youtube... You wont be disapointed thats for sure.
I look at myself in the mirror and see a differnt and unique individual who is absolutly addicted to music and her future in it. I sing constantly and its my biggest passion. I can see myself on stage and singing infront of an audiance and well those whom I know will have front row seats.. people cheering me on..
Yes I have a huge twang in my speaking voice..but my singing voice is dramatically different...the twang is only there if i am singing country..which i enjoy..but most say my voice is a bit rock a bit blues and a bit soul.. (ha ha a white girl with some soul)
But well I guess I will add more to this latter
for now
this is Vicktoria's Life
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Thoughts
I am sitting here at college and am actually in a stupid class. But I keep thinking about how much I want to be home and all that stupidness. Like woundering who has updated their facebook pages and what its about, who is dating who and so on so forth. But I never seem to have time slowing down and thinking over things that I do.
See I had to write this paper in my Poetry class, well my second poetry class seeing as I have two right in a row with the same teacher, but they are differnt classes. Well we had to choose a poem from our book to evaluate and write a paper about. Well I choose "The Garden Of Proserpine" by Algernon Swineburne and I only really chose it because it had to do with Greek Mythology and I enjoy that subject alot. Also because it was a long poem I figured I could write more on it. Well in the long run I could only write less. Sucks for me, now I have to write it over again..but on a different poem of course.
Then today in Psychology class some boys sitting next to me, whom I really dont know are actually still in High School but are taking some classes here. Well they were asking if people thought they were handsome...I really did not know how to answer that correctly seeing as they are little high school students who even though are 18 (yes I asked to see their id's) still made me feel like I was talking dirty to a little kid. (shakes my head) What a terrible thought.
I dont really know where this one is going, just a bunch of thughts going through my head. Like my amazing neice Reagean in the hospital.. sooo sad.. she is only 5 months old and they have no clue whats wrong with her.
My mind is a little scattered and sad because its a crappy day, because the weather is rediculas and crummy.. everyone says its going to snow again, but the sad part is, its spring.. no snow please.. I dont know I quit for now..
once again
Its Vicktoria's Life
See I had to write this paper in my Poetry class, well my second poetry class seeing as I have two right in a row with the same teacher, but they are differnt classes. Well we had to choose a poem from our book to evaluate and write a paper about. Well I choose "The Garden Of Proserpine" by Algernon Swineburne and I only really chose it because it had to do with Greek Mythology and I enjoy that subject alot. Also because it was a long poem I figured I could write more on it. Well in the long run I could only write less. Sucks for me, now I have to write it over again..but on a different poem of course.
Then today in Psychology class some boys sitting next to me, whom I really dont know are actually still in High School but are taking some classes here. Well they were asking if people thought they were handsome...I really did not know how to answer that correctly seeing as they are little high school students who even though are 18 (yes I asked to see their id's) still made me feel like I was talking dirty to a little kid. (shakes my head) What a terrible thought.
I dont really know where this one is going, just a bunch of thughts going through my head. Like my amazing neice Reagean in the hospital.. sooo sad.. she is only 5 months old and they have no clue whats wrong with her.
My mind is a little scattered and sad because its a crappy day, because the weather is rediculas and crummy.. everyone says its going to snow again, but the sad part is, its spring.. no snow please.. I dont know I quit for now..
once again
Its Vicktoria's Life
Psychology Class
Well I thought you came to college to learn, right? Well thats far from what MY Psychology class does. Everyone just talks the entire hour away and my teacher just decides to endulge them. So he continues talking right along with them. It really irks me!
Would you want to go to that class? Not really I came here to learn, im taking this class because its part of what I am trying to major in. And now they are talking about 'eating grandma'... yea...thats differnt, but who can explain this class. I am actually sitting in it right this second. And of course typing away like a crazy person who's fingers cannot stop moving, yet my teacher does not even notice... If thats a teacher can all mine be like this one...
Were only like seven chapters into the book in 9 weeks of our 14 week semester. I think that is actually pretty slow sence I failed this class last semester and my class by week 5 was on chapter 11 and that class only meet once a week for 14 weeks on monday nights from 6-9. Whereas this class im in now meets M-W-F for 14 weeks and its from 12:40-1:40..so its an hour class and were learning nothing. Rediculas!!
Well thats all there is to say...
until I post again...
it's Vicktoria's Life
Would you want to go to that class? Not really I came here to learn, im taking this class because its part of what I am trying to major in. And now they are talking about 'eating grandma'... yea...thats differnt, but who can explain this class. I am actually sitting in it right this second. And of course typing away like a crazy person who's fingers cannot stop moving, yet my teacher does not even notice... If thats a teacher can all mine be like this one...
Were only like seven chapters into the book in 9 weeks of our 14 week semester. I think that is actually pretty slow sence I failed this class last semester and my class by week 5 was on chapter 11 and that class only meet once a week for 14 weeks on monday nights from 6-9. Whereas this class im in now meets M-W-F for 14 weeks and its from 12:40-1:40..so its an hour class and were learning nothing. Rediculas!!
Well thats all there is to say...
until I post again...
it's Vicktoria's Life
Thursday, January 6, 2011
My Family
OK so I am the second oldest of 15 children and the oldest of three blood children though who is to say what is blood...preferably not me. My parents have been divorced for well most of my life. I was in kindergarten when it happened. But oh well. Dad has been married now three times and hopefully the third time is the charm but the only problem is she has 10 kids and all live with them in a tiny four and a half bedroom house with my little brother and and dad and step mom. That's alot of people in one house. Then my older half sister lives in Georgia with her kids and husband. My other half sister lives in Georgia as well and goes to college, she's not much older than I am but I like her all in all. I also have my mom and my other sister who I live with.
My dad is a deadbeat who lives off the state and just don't care. He has four kids that came from his 'loins' yet he takes little interest in our lives except when he wants something. That's how it has always been unfortunately. I think he has only been to one event of mine my whole life. What an ass. Though the reasons were never good ones, like he was at work or something though he used those excuses. He was out sleeping with my first step mom. But thats old news because he has my new one and I like this one. She listens. But dad, he never listens, everything is a joke to him and I dont get that. When you try to have a serious converstation he just jokes about it and infuriates you. Man does he make you mad. I think thats something about him I hate even more then the fact that he is not a real dad, he gets under your skin and he is abusive. I will admit I am scared to death of him. My dad, if I can call him that, is shallow and egotistical. A man who only thinks about himself and his dick. Yes one who thinks if he don't have a women to wait on him hand a foot then he is lost. I personally do not understand that because I don't beleive in that bull but he does.
There is my mom, yes she is the rock in my house. She sacrifices so much for my sister and I. As you see my mom makes everything possible. Though I will admit she is a crabby and complete bitch at times she is still my mom. She always makes sure I have whatever I want in my life even like going to school or my musical endevors. She has alot on her plate though and I understand that and I know I dont help her much with the pain I cause in her ass. But I do love her! She has bad choices in men though I think she just found the right one and she is going to let him walk away like an idiot all because she is afraid someone is going to treat her nice. But thats my mom a hard ass.
Now my little sister is the all around PERFECT kid, ok well in looks she is. Perfect blond hair, big blue eyes, and beautiful. But she is my baby... At 18 years old she is a great student and loves life when she is not sick. See my sister got sick when she was 16 and has died countless times on me and is still going through hell. But she is strong like our mom! Thats why I call her perfect. Yes she has her attidue problems and much more but she really is a spectacular friend and sister. We may fight and all but we get on ok. She always calls me when she needs me and or has a problem even if she is not feeling well. I worry over her so much but Thats life, right? She is like a little muricle.
My brother has had his MANY problems in life but he is now making up for them. He joined the military!! It has made his life and him all the better. I love my baby brother though he is a big boy now and a good guy. He sticks up for his family and has grown up alot. But I'm not sure whatelse to say except he still has alot of growing to do...
I guess then their is me... I am plain and just normal. Alone in this world I think...But I am just going to go through my days doing what I want...What I want is to sing and write and make my imprint on this world before I leave it. Yes a little over weight ... ok alot over weight. But thats what happens to some.. I could blame it on genetics but thats just not what it is. It's me! I work hard but I just get too over whelmed with things and forget to care. But I do about my looks for the most part.
Well I guess thats it.... some more about me
My dad is a deadbeat who lives off the state and just don't care. He has four kids that came from his 'loins' yet he takes little interest in our lives except when he wants something. That's how it has always been unfortunately. I think he has only been to one event of mine my whole life. What an ass. Though the reasons were never good ones, like he was at work or something though he used those excuses. He was out sleeping with my first step mom. But thats old news because he has my new one and I like this one. She listens. But dad, he never listens, everything is a joke to him and I dont get that. When you try to have a serious converstation he just jokes about it and infuriates you. Man does he make you mad. I think thats something about him I hate even more then the fact that he is not a real dad, he gets under your skin and he is abusive. I will admit I am scared to death of him. My dad, if I can call him that, is shallow and egotistical. A man who only thinks about himself and his dick. Yes one who thinks if he don't have a women to wait on him hand a foot then he is lost. I personally do not understand that because I don't beleive in that bull but he does.
There is my mom, yes she is the rock in my house. She sacrifices so much for my sister and I. As you see my mom makes everything possible. Though I will admit she is a crabby and complete bitch at times she is still my mom. She always makes sure I have whatever I want in my life even like going to school or my musical endevors. She has alot on her plate though and I understand that and I know I dont help her much with the pain I cause in her ass. But I do love her! She has bad choices in men though I think she just found the right one and she is going to let him walk away like an idiot all because she is afraid someone is going to treat her nice. But thats my mom a hard ass.
Now my little sister is the all around PERFECT kid, ok well in looks she is. Perfect blond hair, big blue eyes, and beautiful. But she is my baby... At 18 years old she is a great student and loves life when she is not sick. See my sister got sick when she was 16 and has died countless times on me and is still going through hell. But she is strong like our mom! Thats why I call her perfect. Yes she has her attidue problems and much more but she really is a spectacular friend and sister. We may fight and all but we get on ok. She always calls me when she needs me and or has a problem even if she is not feeling well. I worry over her so much but Thats life, right? She is like a little muricle.
My brother has had his MANY problems in life but he is now making up for them. He joined the military!! It has made his life and him all the better. I love my baby brother though he is a big boy now and a good guy. He sticks up for his family and has grown up alot. But I'm not sure whatelse to say except he still has alot of growing to do...
I guess then their is me... I am plain and just normal. Alone in this world I think...But I am just going to go through my days doing what I want...What I want is to sing and write and make my imprint on this world before I leave it. Yes a little over weight ... ok alot over weight. But thats what happens to some.. I could blame it on genetics but thats just not what it is. It's me! I work hard but I just get too over whelmed with things and forget to care. But I do about my looks for the most part.
Well I guess thats it.... some more about me
Home
Well things happen on a cold winter day...Do they not? I sit on this blog of mine while my perfect little sister and her boyfriend of a year and some change snuggle together in her bed and slowly drift off to sleep. I sometimes wish that could be me. Not the curled up in her bed part, I have my own of course, but being with someone part. It seems I have been single so much this year that I'm stuck in a rut of sorts.
Well I guess I should be lucky to have my life and health right? I guess that's a good thing to have. But for once it would be fun to someone to curl up with and just cry on their shoulder when things are going horribly wrong which seems alot as of late. But I guess I am just doomed to sit forever behind this computer and write to my hearts content. Though that may not seem to enjoyable to many of you out there. But I presume its alright by me.
Not to say I have not had boyfriends, that of course I have had. And all of them through the years just seemed to come on to that creep factor that so many people begin to have. Maybe I should have named my blog Vicktoria's Lonely Life...it would have been more perceptible to others I believe. But that's all done and over now, its just part of who I am.
But winter break from college life does have its up side like sleeping in till however late you wish. Unless you have a crazy nagging mother who calls you constantly to wake you up and have you do so many things for her. Yes that is my mom. Or a sister who is always home or not home you never know when she is going to be gone. Then there is the sucky part. Never having anything to do that occupies your mind. That's my problem. I have no boyfriend to speak of and all my friends are either back in school or have no car to drive. So I just sit her and watch that white fluffy stuff fall on the ground and blanket the earth. Yes that is what I am watching now. The snow fall again!
It seems that all I can do is blog, read, and write, well and of course wait for school to start again. School seems to set my mind at ease, something to concentrate on. Though I guess being board comes with the territory of living in a small town. I will tell you that you can look at my town once and think its sweet and charming and yes it is. Quiet and old. But there are many things here that I believe makes up my town which just happens to be bars and funeral homes. So more or less drink and die..that's all it is here.. You will spend your whole life stuck!
Wow I think I'm just babbling on now and I'm sorry for that so back on topic I go...
Yup I am home and my sister's boyfriend just left and we had pizza. Mmmmm... and of course for me coffee goes excellent with anything. So that's what I will sip on as I write this to you. Perhaps later I will curl up with a good book, one that I have of course read a bazillion times. I need new material. But for now I write. Oh and Tyra..she is an amazing women .. But she is talking bout Love and using the current president and first lady as role models for love..But is that love?? Or are they putting on a front?? Love comes from many things in life, not just money and sex. It's companionship and friendship that helps those things go along. Or that is just my opinion. Not that it matters.
Now I am going to start something new..
Well I guess I should be lucky to have my life and health right? I guess that's a good thing to have. But for once it would be fun to someone to curl up with and just cry on their shoulder when things are going horribly wrong which seems alot as of late. But I guess I am just doomed to sit forever behind this computer and write to my hearts content. Though that may not seem to enjoyable to many of you out there. But I presume its alright by me.
Not to say I have not had boyfriends, that of course I have had. And all of them through the years just seemed to come on to that creep factor that so many people begin to have. Maybe I should have named my blog Vicktoria's Lonely Life...it would have been more perceptible to others I believe. But that's all done and over now, its just part of who I am.
But winter break from college life does have its up side like sleeping in till however late you wish. Unless you have a crazy nagging mother who calls you constantly to wake you up and have you do so many things for her. Yes that is my mom. Or a sister who is always home or not home you never know when she is going to be gone. Then there is the sucky part. Never having anything to do that occupies your mind. That's my problem. I have no boyfriend to speak of and all my friends are either back in school or have no car to drive. So I just sit her and watch that white fluffy stuff fall on the ground and blanket the earth. Yes that is what I am watching now. The snow fall again!
It seems that all I can do is blog, read, and write, well and of course wait for school to start again. School seems to set my mind at ease, something to concentrate on. Though I guess being board comes with the territory of living in a small town. I will tell you that you can look at my town once and think its sweet and charming and yes it is. Quiet and old. But there are many things here that I believe makes up my town which just happens to be bars and funeral homes. So more or less drink and die..that's all it is here.. You will spend your whole life stuck!
Wow I think I'm just babbling on now and I'm sorry for that so back on topic I go...
Yup I am home and my sister's boyfriend just left and we had pizza. Mmmmm... and of course for me coffee goes excellent with anything. So that's what I will sip on as I write this to you. Perhaps later I will curl up with a good book, one that I have of course read a bazillion times. I need new material. But for now I write. Oh and Tyra..she is an amazing women .. But she is talking bout Love and using the current president and first lady as role models for love..But is that love?? Or are they putting on a front?? Love comes from many things in life, not just money and sex. It's companionship and friendship that helps those things go along. Or that is just my opinion. Not that it matters.
Now I am going to start something new..
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