Sunday, February 19, 2012
Saturday, February 11, 2012
The New Year 2012
So the New Year has come and past...
Many new things have come in my life like LOve... YES I the lonely girl have finally found someone. He goes to school with me at my college and is incredible.. We have something in common but he is an all around great guy.. We smile and laugh and he walks me to class.. I love it!!
But other things like my depression have come into check and I am happy to report that we are getting closer to finding out what is going on with my sister..
I still smoke like a sailor and drink coffee like its cocaine but other than that I am happy..
This semester at school is whipping my ass but I enjoy the struggle because I know in the long run I am going to become a better person.
That is all
Vicktoria's Life
Many new things have come in my life like LOve... YES I the lonely girl have finally found someone. He goes to school with me at my college and is incredible.. We have something in common but he is an all around great guy.. We smile and laugh and he walks me to class.. I love it!!
But other things like my depression have come into check and I am happy to report that we are getting closer to finding out what is going on with my sister..
I still smoke like a sailor and drink coffee like its cocaine but other than that I am happy..
This semester at school is whipping my ass but I enjoy the struggle because I know in the long run I am going to become a better person.
That is all
Vicktoria's Life
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Depression
So I am getting to that point again, that point where I am just ready to break down and cry..
I was a suicidal person back in high school..I was committed...
Got help and been ok....
But now, thats a different story...I am thinking about it again. Really thinking about it. Pills would be easy but a pain in the ass. I mean any thing with Penicilline or a form of it I could get easily at home from my sisters medical medicine and pop two or three, saying I thought they were asprine or anything for my cronic migrains and then I would and could die.. I am allergic to that sort of stuff.
But then I think about my family and friends who depend on me and I stop myself from lifting that pill to my lips and swollowing it whole. To feel the throat and airways close. It could be so easy to just sufficate and suffer. But who cares.. Who would even know? My mother? Sure...she would just get what money I have and be happy.
I could do it at 9 pm at night. Thats when I 'hybernate' to my room for the night. To get away from everybody and have a small stiff drink. Nobody bothers to look in on me after then or even talk to me.. It would be so sweet. Nobody would even know I was gone until the next night and I would be long gone and drifted off soo sweet.
Sorry i am venting, its stupid but I am.. just depressed.. I could now call my blog
Vicktoria's Depression Train.. that would be appropriate as well..
Until next time
This is
Vicktoria's Life
I was a suicidal person back in high school..I was committed...
Got help and been ok....
But now, thats a different story...I am thinking about it again. Really thinking about it. Pills would be easy but a pain in the ass. I mean any thing with Penicilline or a form of it I could get easily at home from my sisters medical medicine and pop two or three, saying I thought they were asprine or anything for my cronic migrains and then I would and could die.. I am allergic to that sort of stuff.
But then I think about my family and friends who depend on me and I stop myself from lifting that pill to my lips and swollowing it whole. To feel the throat and airways close. It could be so easy to just sufficate and suffer. But who cares.. Who would even know? My mother? Sure...she would just get what money I have and be happy.
I could do it at 9 pm at night. Thats when I 'hybernate' to my room for the night. To get away from everybody and have a small stiff drink. Nobody bothers to look in on me after then or even talk to me.. It would be so sweet. Nobody would even know I was gone until the next night and I would be long gone and drifted off soo sweet.
Sorry i am venting, its stupid but I am.. just depressed.. I could now call my blog
Vicktoria's Depression Train.. that would be appropriate as well..
Until next time
This is
Vicktoria's Life
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Blasted Heat...stop Frying ME
All this blasted heat can go away....For the last 8 consecutive days it has been in the high 90's and the humidity in the triple digits. I can't stand it and its Frying My BRAIN... which is something I need for school. I am taking summer/spring college classes and I beleive i HAVE COME to my wits end with my brain.
Three years straight of college. Non stop and I am burnt out. But I cant take a break now, not yet. I want to .. I really really want to. No I dont think you get it, I need it from my mind from people and from life. I have done nothing with my life the past three years except study and run my brain ragged.
Perhaps I will see about next summer/spring take a break from life and school.. What do you my readers think??
Thats all for now
This is
Vicktoria's LiFe
Three years straight of college. Non stop and I am burnt out. But I cant take a break now, not yet. I want to .. I really really want to. No I dont think you get it, I need it from my mind from people and from life. I have done nothing with my life the past three years except study and run my brain ragged.
Perhaps I will see about next summer/spring take a break from life and school.. What do you my readers think??
Thats all for now
This is
Vicktoria's LiFe
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Have to wake up in 5 hours and CANT SLEEP
Do you guies all know what its like? When you have to wake up at a certain time in the morining and you just cant sleep!!
Thats how it is for me right this moment.. I have to be up in just about five hours but for some crazy reason my body is saying its still early..its hot and sticky in this room OR the beds just not comfortable enough..Thats how it is for me.. But I really need and want it.. I have a two and a half hour drive comming up and its not fair...
O think im going to be very grumpy and ya'll are not going to want to deal with me.. actually I dont want to deal with me when I am that cranky ... I maybe yelling NEED COFFEE.. like a blasted zombie..
Well.. eyes are getting forced shut..
xoxoxo
This is all for now..
Vicktoria's Life
Thats how it is for me right this moment.. I have to be up in just about five hours but for some crazy reason my body is saying its still early..its hot and sticky in this room OR the beds just not comfortable enough..Thats how it is for me.. But I really need and want it.. I have a two and a half hour drive comming up and its not fair...
O think im going to be very grumpy and ya'll are not going to want to deal with me.. actually I dont want to deal with me when I am that cranky ... I maybe yelling NEED COFFEE.. like a blasted zombie..
Well.. eyes are getting forced shut..
xoxoxo
This is all for now..
Vicktoria's Life
My Friend's Death
A few days ago on Sunday the 3rd of July my good friend died.. With her a bit of myself died.. It was burried with her beneith the earth..Blanketed for the sands of time..
I did not go and say goodbye..I did not even understand.. It happened so quickly.. I was just texting her hours before..I wake up and she is gone..
I am not sure if thats how its supposed to be.. that someone who was so full of life and happiness should be ripped from this place, then someone told me "God only takes the best"
Well that would be comforting to some but not me. I don't really beleive in 'God' I beleive in a 'god' and 'goddess' but not 'God'. So I cannot really be soothed by the demented vails that some rightous being took my friend because she was the best of the best.. How could anyone be content with that thought? It seems to be tought for me. Just to grasp that concept. I go see her facebook page daily.. more than once a day and just hope to see her post on it. I even text her phone ..mostly without thinking about it and realize later that she wont be answering me anymore.
I actually thinking of her right now I went on her facebook and wrote on her wall.. I think if her page remained there for a long while I could somehow deal until it eased, but thats a long way off you know. So I guess for now this is my other solice...
For now
This is Vicktoria's Life
I did not go and say goodbye..I did not even understand.. It happened so quickly.. I was just texting her hours before..I wake up and she is gone..
I am not sure if thats how its supposed to be.. that someone who was so full of life and happiness should be ripped from this place, then someone told me "God only takes the best"
Well that would be comforting to some but not me. I don't really beleive in 'God' I beleive in a 'god' and 'goddess' but not 'God'. So I cannot really be soothed by the demented vails that some rightous being took my friend because she was the best of the best.. How could anyone be content with that thought? It seems to be tought for me. Just to grasp that concept. I go see her facebook page daily.. more than once a day and just hope to see her post on it. I even text her phone ..mostly without thinking about it and realize later that she wont be answering me anymore.
I actually thinking of her right now I went on her facebook and wrote on her wall.. I think if her page remained there for a long while I could somehow deal until it eased, but thats a long way off you know. So I guess for now this is my other solice...
For now
This is Vicktoria's Life
Perspective
Well everyone knows how I am, I am not the brightest color in the coloring box, but then again if you have been following my blog you would also know a little bit about me and my life. Lets see, I am the second oldest of 15 kids and no I am not complaining... I love each and every single one of the them...Yes some more than others but usually more or less, they are all equal...
Then others of you would know how I feel about my dad..yes the one who left when I was young, left my mom with three kids to run off with some fluzie..nothing against her now either..they are divorced.. My dad is now on his fourth marraige including my mother in twenty 21 years and I hope this one is the winner..I like her...
But there are always things in your life that make you reevaluate everything you ever thought and felt..Yes my dad lives over three hundred miles away..yes he never comes and sees me or my sister.. but he is good to my new 10 step brothers and sisters.. I have been to come see him a few times sence he remarried and I must say he is trying.. Alot.. I mean yesterday he painted my toe nails.. not very well mind you but well enought for a man.. LOL..
Comming to my dad's house helps me think alot of things out, and with the resent death of my very good friend of 20 years it puts things in perspective .. dont you think? There are 10 kids at my dad's house and even amungst all the hard times I have time to sit out and relax and even think many things through. If I can just pull myself together and think positive I can be a better person.. No I am a better person..
I am who I am..I cannot be anyone or anything else.. Thats all I know.. If I was going to bow down and let others take control of me I would have done so a long time ago..But I am a bit stronger than that.. I am .. Well I am not Sam....I am Vicktoria ..
This is all for now
So until next time
This is Vicktoria's Life
Then others of you would know how I feel about my dad..yes the one who left when I was young, left my mom with three kids to run off with some fluzie..nothing against her now either..they are divorced.. My dad is now on his fourth marraige including my mother in twenty 21 years and I hope this one is the winner..I like her...
But there are always things in your life that make you reevaluate everything you ever thought and felt..Yes my dad lives over three hundred miles away..yes he never comes and sees me or my sister.. but he is good to my new 10 step brothers and sisters.. I have been to come see him a few times sence he remarried and I must say he is trying.. Alot.. I mean yesterday he painted my toe nails.. not very well mind you but well enought for a man.. LOL..
Comming to my dad's house helps me think alot of things out, and with the resent death of my very good friend of 20 years it puts things in perspective .. dont you think? There are 10 kids at my dad's house and even amungst all the hard times I have time to sit out and relax and even think many things through. If I can just pull myself together and think positive I can be a better person.. No I am a better person..
I am who I am..I cannot be anyone or anything else.. Thats all I know.. If I was going to bow down and let others take control of me I would have done so a long time ago..But I am a bit stronger than that.. I am .. Well I am not Sam....I am Vicktoria ..
This is all for now
So until next time
This is Vicktoria's Life
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